Finally with your favorite people together, and after that period but always sweet squabbling, the problem is not resolved, the two began the Cold War, sometimes really wonder why we always fight, or that he was not my Mr. / Ms. Right?
Feelings of migration over time, will always inevitably a quarrel between the couple, but some couples, couples more noisy feeling better, but some can only end up breaking.
Different ways of thinking
Harvard psychologist Carol Gilligan (Carol Gilligan) presented the main differences between the sexes: boys proud independence, girls are satisfied that they are part of the network of relations between the sexes. So for men, the most important factor in marital satisfaction is that I have the ability to feed the whole family. For women, the most important factor in marital satisfaction is "good communication" between husband and wife.
Austin University of Texas psychologist Ted L Houston also said: "For the wife, the intimacy means talking about things, especially the emotional relationship to talk about themselves." But unfortunately, the man is always difficult to understand expect their wives. "I want to do things with her, but she always continued to speak." Men will feel the couple gardening together more than talk about the never-ending increase feelings.
[1] quarrel
Marital relations have to mention is the problem quarrel, quarrel will be different results depending on the solution. If the quarrel can be a good solution, it will bring more passion for the couple next life. One study showed that the couple quarreled get resolved after the next sex experience to a more satisfied feeling. However, if the quarrel is not well addressed, it will lead to a catastrophic crisis. Quarrel is inevitable, but a rational argument, not the person, but it can solve a lot of life to each other has been reluctant to proceed with the issue, bring more harmony to the marriage.
According to NetEase woman channel survey, 41% of men choose later in the quarrel out of, with practical action to express the woman I love you, this method can eliminate the contradiction caused by the little things, but then principled contradiction (as her mother too strong They) can only play a palliative moderating role, and will increasingly no effect (diminishing marginal utility). Wise woman will choose after and not before the House of Love and men discuss similar issues of principle, because after the rain clouds scattered close to both sides confirm that they love their own to discuss the issues in this context is less.
But it needs to be reminded, to seize the time, because men can easily sleep like dead pigs (Click here to find out).
[2] Criticism
Marital crisis early warning signals is a sharp criticism. A healthy relationship, both men and women can freely express complaints, but in the case of angry, complaining will be destructive mode of expression. Criticism when hominem is an insult to the personality of the other party. Full of contempt emotional harm critics is devastating. If the wife of emotion more than four times or four times in 15 minutes disgust dialogue, this sign that the pair may break up within four years.
With the escalation of the quarrel, the problem is not resolved, the two sides have left psychological seeds of anger, the seed hidden mind sparked spontaneous behavior unconscious, people have anger seeds will self-assurance, from the other side of the action language demeanor behavior of doing things, and continue to seeking clues to prove that the other party is wrong, he is right, that the other party in the self-inflicted injury, while unconsciously ignore each other friendly behavior. So the party injured before the start of something out of nothing, put some neutral behavior as injurious behavior, emotional outbursts last for no party to win and end.
[3] flood
Disturbing attitudes will trigger emotional control, and the individual very difficult to recover from injuries and anger which, it is to create a direct consequence of the never-ending crisis. This phenomenon is called the spread. Flooding in the state under the normal people can not listen to advice and clearly respond. Men for themselves from the emotional impact of flooding, women will then take a negative response. Because of the negative response of male desirability and wife seek the degree of emotional confrontation is the same, can not understand each other a couple more intense outbreak of hostilities.
[4] Analysis and Resolution
Faced with the problems, if we can solve them, then the relationship between husband and wife or the couple's relationship will become harmonious lot.
For men: Women disgruntled only to highlight her strong degree of the problem. And both sides get along, more like the woman through the exchange to promote feelings. So men need to do a quiet listener, men need to avoid premature to propose solutions. His wife felt her husband is willing to listen to her whine, and her with empathy, this feeling is very important. In fact, his wife needs her husband does not necessarily agree with her. This is Noisy healthier performance.
For women: Women generally do not mind unhappy in a quarrel, so they will always take the initiative to find intense emotional conflict. Therefore, women should be more consideration to the feelings of men, criticism is allowed, but with insulting criticism does not work, especially with contempt of criticism.
For both sides: when the man treated in a negative way to respond to criticism of the woman, the woman needs to control his emotions, negative against the man is a signal that your words hurt his self-esteem, or are you then attack with deep meaning. This time you should stop chatter own mouth, to consider if they just change the way of speaking, or to both a cool time, the courage to apologize. Thus the man the woman will feel even more considerate.
If conflict occurs when both men and women difficult to control emotions, then they need to erupt and quiet to sit down and do a non-apologetic listen and talk, both sides have five minutes to speak right not to be interrupted each other, mutual statement their views heart. This method always bring good results.
After the fight, both men and women should make a point of his own on the other side want to reflect on the process issues, such reflection process will gain more mutual understanding between the parties.
Please allow me to continue to repeat this: Couple quarrel, when the content is something that should not each other's personality.
Learning Review
1. Criticism contemptuous tone with personality attacks and destruction of love is one of the culprits.
2. Men in order to avoid the spread of the phenomenon of emotions will respond in a negative way against quarrel with, this will provoke more emotional conflict-prone women.
3. Men should spend more time listening to women complain, rather than rush to give a solution.
4. Women should pay attention to their time complaining about the tone and content, to avoid personal attacks.
5. The two sides quarrel should do listen and talk to a non-apologetic, rather than the Cold War.
6. quarrel should be on things rather than people.
7. This is not a nail problem!
(Compilation: xiii)
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