Some people do not live among good words argue, quiet, some people talk, such as hanging river mouth. But now has found in common between them is this: fear of controversy, fear of persuasion. Why are we afraid to argue with people and persuade it? Why sometimes we say more people, they would reject others before expressing stance, refused to yourself? We are afraid to argue or convince themselves, or fear of the other?
Debate, whether in the East or in the West, were once thought to be a symbol of the wise. Only those people thinking, knowledge and insight will come together to debate, even if it finally broke up, but they were never bored. But then this simple debate evolved into sophistry. As the ancient Chinese masters and Western sophists. But even if nature has changed, but the debate has continued, no matter how unpleasant people always want to arrive at a final result. However, the opportunity now even let people express their hearts and not give opinions, what are they afraid of what?
Convince a person is a difficult thing
Almost everyone has been trying to convince others, such as family, friends, lovers. No matter how kind of results that we all understand: to convince others is not an easy thing. Despite the success did not say, in the persuasion process, we are ready to be tasted to attacks from the other side, the negative emotions, doubt and denial. So, dare to convince someone who is actually a man of courage, because he has to face the unexpected "calamity."
Difficult to convince others, the challenge in the following points:
First, the two sides will make emotional feelings hurt, resulting in reluctance to continue. People are highly emotional creatures, our emotions very rich, but also a lot of emotion. In the process of persuasion, such as anger, disgust, unreasoned and other negative emotions will have, and sometimes cry.
Second, change a person's values and world view is like impossible. Each of us is not the same growth environment, exposure to education are quite different. They acquired these things so that everyone formed their own intrinsic values, plus rendering social culture. We have a kind of "seeing is believing, hearsay is true," thinking, and this thinking seriously impede a person to try to change.
Third, cognitive break, people temporarily unable to accept. In the study of human psychology cognitive problems, find us on the problem-solving strategies often have the mindset and capabilities fixed obstacles, in short, it is that people like to get the original experience of life as future guidelines, if does not meet this criterion will be discarded. So, life is less innovation because so many people have such conventional thinking, can not be broken due.
Why are we afraid of controversy?
The so-called argue, is to stand fully express personal views and inner thoughts. But now find life, most people treat controversial attitudes are unfriendly, their say as it is unwilling, afraid. If you look carefully you will find that if there are two people start talking, found a point of discussion, debate on the works will be up. But be assured, the time will not be long, there is always one will be reluctant to continue to communicate the attitude to end, to escape. For example, say, "Well, we do not discuss this issue." What does it mean? From the beginning of the topic, but with a silent end, the result will only make both received injuries and unpleasant.
I do not know now become sophisticated people still afraid of being hurt? In fact, an argument or persuade is not terrible, terrible thing is there hidden in our own inner dark side.
?Not confident. The so-called "hold of it there, the debate is justified." If a confident person, and he does not care about the results of the debate, but also look forward to the views of others. Confident people tend to not notice that his argument argument sufficient? Whether it will lose face? All concerns so that they can not argue with the people, do not want to argue with people with, so often launched "offensive" to reject others before others.
? Fear of harm. A person's dignity at what time most likely to care about? I think one is in the national interests, and second, in the ideal self and loved ones, three are in debates with people. Kind of situation, the reason we win got angry with others, not because of anything else, is a self-esteem problem. Esteem injured more pain than physical injury! According to legend, the Three Kingdoms Zhuge Liang Sang Sang Wang Lang said the dead, the dead wanglang died in their own self-esteem. Psychology of human self-esteem, self-esteem into the implicit self-esteem and explicit self-esteem. The implicit self-esteem is an unconscious self-esteem, relatively unstable, it follows the inner subconscious instinctive desire to do it. In the debate, if implicit self-esteem will be trying to go to protect their own, and if that fails the light hit, dejected, in serious cases such as Wanglang generally afraid to be mad.
? No patience. Whether convince or argue, in fact, very often reflect a person's patience. In the course of the debate there is always after a person first, a person. Then people will put before the people listening to the words to say. If you are not a patient person, it is impossible. Listen not only to hear each other's intentions but respect for each other. Esteem other people have been met, naturally will not easily pull down the face. Impatient people always escape to convince others!
How to face persuade or argue?
In many cases, we do not want to compete with others, I thought it was a good thing, but do not know you think he is wise, but hurt others. You know, you refuse to debate those willing to find you like you carrying a pot of cold water poured into a coal burned very red, how the results like? Fire extinguished, but students from the "gas." The other party will be deeply hurt you, he will be very awkward, very overwhelmed. In addition to his inner self-victimization, there is a trace of guilt for you. Between friends is this also true between lovers. In fact, in some cases, some or debate a topic of debate is some things out once said, do not be paranoid, "Fight", the best way is to come to a result that clearly. Thus, "to give up hope on the Yellow River," the result is good for everybody, but will not again not the end.
How do we face of others debate it?
First, let us understand the meaning of the debate, the so-called "debate of the Road, in the self-start, in sensible, in all worlds." This understanding must understand, compete with others, in order to not face, but realistic and sensible, let yourself be inspired. Many good idea are born in the debate.
Secondly, as long as we enhance self-confidence, more learning, more reading, more careful observation of life, there is no fear of people's fear and debate. "The holders have, therefore, to argue is justified", the simple point is to have the stomach "goods."
Finally, remember that when we debate "debate realistic reason, On the Road, the True" and not quick FIG tongue, hurt others, if you can not convince a person, then the debate as exercise thinking and speaking a training, a controversial outcome than countless silent refusal.
Debate lies not in defense, but in no persuading that service, but rather said. Find a time, to find a place to find a person to find a topic, then go to "unscrupulous" to debate it, to have a debate on the results, you'll gain a lot!
(Author: Sub-Yi)
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