Studies have shown that couples fight, compared to sex, housework or how to spend time, money is a topic is mentioned more. For those family background differences between husband and wife, but money is not the main content of the quarrel. I have found that sometimes can affect the financial situation of the family in many ways the marriage, the couple will be for recreation, housing maintenance and even how to communicate feelings and quarrel. Here are a couple I met them when they are already middle class, but they are still different backgrounds can cause some problems.
Conduct financial transactions
For example, Danielle was born in a worker's family, he did not complete a high school and left home. While her husband, Jim is grown in a wealthy family, he graduated from prestigious universities. Although they have been married for almost 30 years, the way they treat the money is still very different. Like many families of workers who, like Danielle budget or do not develop long-term savings plan.
Jim because his parents had grown up in the financial sense of security, he also wanted his family have the same sense of security. He was very hard to finance, and will pay attention to expenses. Danielle save money on some of the practices he was disgusted. Jim would often spend money to buy something Danielle return shop. This difference - in a planned and random - will behave in other ways. Another couple Scott and Gina often quarrel is how to arrange free time. This tension also affects their child-rearing attitudes. Scott grew up in middle-class family that the child should learn Chinese and pottery courses can also look at cooking television program in his spare time. The origin of workers' families Gina believes children should just play at home.
Emotional expression
William's father was a sawmill worker and his mother was a salesperson. In his blue-collar family, they do not express their true feelings is "dishonest", which is a lot worker's family is very common point of view. He is used to direct (and often very loudly) to express their feelings. And his wife Annika came from white-collar families. Many middle-class families with children, she thinks of things sensible response should and should not do emotional expression. "My first reaction is to something, then I will not speak," she said, "I will quietly think about what the situation, and then react."
Annika and William had to get used to each other's emotional expression - since the beginning of your way to make each other to adapt, they also learn from each to learn to think twice after William again to express their views, Annika will learn to feel more positive and express themselves. Annika said: "I can now become a bare their emotions."
housework
For large differences in family background of the couple, the other reason is domestic quarrel. Jason was born workers and their families. His parents took five years to get a new cabinet door, save money more than a decade to change the linoleum. His wife, Lori, the growth at home has mansions and yachts families. They have a good job, but also to buy their own big house, but Jason was not so to adapt to their new home. "He would say, 'how could I deserve to live in this house,'" Lori said, "his heart did not even see this as their own house." Like many workers, families of people, he did not want do housework, I do not know how to worry about maintaining the "luxury" of the new space. Sometimes he even deliberately neglected the maintenance of the house, not to repair the mailbox fall, deliberately distorted it in there, as the neighbors said he did not agree with their values or unwilling to integrate into their world. These practices allow Lori annoyed, although she knows where the root.
Love across sectors
Despite these differences affect the lives of these couples, but most people swear that he had never thought about the difference each class, with one of them put it, he did it would feel very "curt." Jim deny class differences affect their marriage. "We do not believe that anyone else who is strong, or who is more superior," he said, "class does not have any impact."
Indeed it is influential. But that is not necessarily a bad thing. I know many couples also draws strength from each other's differences. It is this power initially so that they come together. Those born to poorer people often do not like the unpredictability of their own lives. Because they have been longing for stable future spouses attract middle class. Similarly, those who came from middle-class childhood was a variety of organized and planned activities bound. They like their spouse habits that do not plan ahead more liberal family life.
Today, with a different class of people get married - and even meet other class of people - fewer and fewer opportunities. US economic isolation is increasingly evident across sectors of marriage increasingly rare. However, I mentioned these couples or people feel, the difference can be coordinated, and, even in the era of extreme inequality, still love across class boundaries.
(Author: Jesse Shitelaibu, US assistant professor of sociology at Duke University)
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